Accept things as they are. Do not name it as it passes. It never stops passing. Get over it. We're going to die. We're going to suffer more.
I've been running from this suffering forever; and the more I perpetuate that activity, running and running, grasping at others ("Help! Help!"), the BIGGER the unnamed grows . . . not yet catching up to me, but a bigger and bloody bigger fact that fills and fills my mindstream with fear.
I want to accept with equanimity that I, now, cell by cell, like all other beings, am dying. And I want that to be ok as I live healthily and happily a very long and productive virtuous life . . . to be able to expose to as many people what Wisdom and Compassion I have inherited, experienced, and been taught . . . which is to give all.
I want to die totally relaxed, without any afflictive emotions distracting me, with this mind in single-pointed concentration on Ven. Geshela, full of peace, and emanating love, and dying for the sake of all beings with a consciousness. Pema Chodron's encouragement to die at each exhalation—one's last—such a practice!
I have been acting on this, minimally, at the moments I remember her teaching.
May the moments last longer and longer till there is no gap amongst them.
Then I think I would be balanced and capable, able to move around in peace in samsara, this endless cycle of suffering.
Accept what comes at you with equanimity, stillness as the surface of a lake, with poise, dignity, balance always, aware of one's breathing, one's body. Go with the flow. Relax in the ever-swiftening current of this river of suffering.
Things pass you faster and faster. You want to see it all, but it becomes increasingly difficult. I think I could see it all if I were in the mode of mind previously described.
I want to see my sky-mind clearly, and be able to sustain the vision. What strength this will take! What perseverance, powerful intention and action! What patience and discipline!
I want to do this . . . to uncover what is already there inside me. To See what is already there. To understand and be capable of integrating the Four Noble Truths [google it] for the purpose of benefiting all suffering beings with a consciousness. For you.